So Beautiful
by Ryuki Kokoro
Summary: Songfic. Set a few years after Soar on my Wings. The bitterness of unrequited love hurts even more when you realise that the person has just 'got over you' for the sake of themselves. What to think when there's no-one left? AH...ish.


This songfic takes place after Soar on my Wings, quite after. Just a different take on unrequited love, with the song So Beautiful by Pete Murray. At first I hated this song, then listened to it and fell in love with it, and it was crying out for me to make a songfic for it, so here it is. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

*

Conversation was abundant.

Everybody had taken into account that it was the first time in years there had been a full reunion and were taking advantage of their opportunities while they still could, socializing readily, catching up on the years that had passed since their last meeting.

Except for one person. He was standing, veiled in shadow, eyes fixated on one person and one person only. That person was uncharacteristically cheerful, making soft but still casual conversation with her half-brother. _Still conversation, regardless._

_She's been welcomed back into her clan with open arms. Of course she would have returned._

Even still, that pang of regret was there. A constant burden for him to shoulder. The fact that he could have had her. Did have her, for a while. But then…

_Now… it's irreconcilable. I've lost her. Now it's almost like she's on the other side of a fence, and all I can do is watch her live her life. Happily, without me._

A beautiful, melodious sound; and he realized with a start that she was laughing. An extremely rare occurrence. Not at him, never at him. Someone else.

_Found myself just the other day_

_In the backyard of a friends place,_

_Thinking about you,_

_Thinking of the crowd you're in,_

_What you up to, where you been?_

_Just thinking…_

She had certainly changed since he had last seen her, their final argument where she had stormed out. Her hair was longer, touching her shoulders, making her look more feminine and more… beautiful. Eyes as alert as they had been years ago were half-hidden under her customary fringe, her clothes traditional wraps with the emblem of her clan on them. 

_What's the difference? _He remembered yelling at her on that fateful, final day. _What difference does their acceptance make? Does a person's word change the person that you really are? _And those unspoken words stayed, lingering in his head. _Does a person's word change the love that we used to have? Or was that just a lie?_

_You would never understand, _she had hissed. _I can't believe I wasted so long with the likes of you. You disgust me._

She had certainly risen up in the clan's ranks since re-joining them, allowed back into them. Now the leader's second in command, she had the air to prove it.

_But that doesn't change the person you are inside. Or at least it shouldn't._

He tore his eyes away suddenly as she spun, as though feeling his eyes on her. She lingered in that position for a few moments, before turning back and continuing her conversation.

_And all the clothes that you wear,_

_And the color in your hair_

_Shouldn't change you_

_Now you tell me why's it so_

_You're bigger than mighty Joe,_

_At least you think so…_

That beautiful hair spun with her. The hair he had run his fingers through, kissed gently. She had been the person to unlock his heart, and then throw it away for the sake of power and the clan, her clan now. _I loved her; I really did, but… _

Everything had changed since then. Once, he could embrace her; smell her beautiful scent over his skin. Now, he wasn't even sure if he could go near her without her retaliating most violently. She had her power; she had her clan back again. But she still had his heart, and as much as he tried, there was nothing he could do about that.

He glanced down at his hands that had once run through her hair, held her gently. There was no way of that ever happening again. A dull ache suddenly awoke in his hands, as if reminding him cruelly of the fact. She wasn't his any longer, and never would be again.

_If I had known that this was going to happen, I never would have given my heart to you, _he reflected bitterly. _Power isn't everything. How can I make you realize that? I don't think I can even speak to you any longer. And now with the power you have… it doesn't make you a better person, as much as you wish to believe that it does._

She spun again, and he wasn't fast enough to react. 

"Listen to me," she hissed, striding up to him and glaring daggers. "Stop staring incessantly at me, you hear? We were trying to have a conversation, made more difficult with your eyes burning into me. Got it?"

_You really have changed so much. Just because of a little bit of power._

"Don't touch me," his voice was soft. 

She lifted her hand, and the resounding slap echoed throughout the room. 

_God, my fingers burn,_

_Now when I think of touching your hair_

_You have changed so much that I don't know,_

_If I can call you and tell you I care_

_And I would love to bring you down,_

_Plant your feet back on the ground._

He had no idea what triggered the memories. Perhaps it was that stinging ache that flooded across his face with her slap. But the memories had always been there, lurking underneath the surface, waiting for somebody to set them free.

_Of course I love you, you idiot. Just don't let Hayate know. He'll never let me live it down._

He remembered his smile at her words, the first true confession of her love. _Yes, I was a fool. A fool to ever love her in the first place. A fool._

Their first date. _You're acting as though I'm marking you on presentation. So, ten out of ten. Manners, ten out of ten. Loosen up a little. You're treating me like I'm your aunt or something… _that laughing tone in her voice. He had never heard her sound so happy before. Almost as if some gigantic weight was lifted off her shoulders.

He sighed softly. It had been so good back then. _Are you ticklish? _Her playful tone echoed in his head. _Perhaps she did truly love me back then. Or perhaps not. I don't know, and I suppose I never will know now._

He turned away from her as she strode angrily back to her company. It hurt too much to watch her go again and know that she would never come back.

_Threw my smoke down on the ground,_

_Turned my head and I heard the sound,_

_That reminded me_

_Of the days so young and sweet_

_Always so much fun to me_

_At least I thought so…_

"Well, that's truly over," she spoke, looking back at him pointedly. He ignored her glance.

_You truly have Hayate manipulated, wrapped around your little finger, don't you? I never knew that your return had so much to do with his emotion as political advantage. _Her voice drifted over to him faintly. "Well and truly over…"

He tuned out, refusing to listen. _I loved you. I really did. But obviously Hayate could offer more to you then I ever could. I suppose my love isn't such an important thing, after all._

His eyes were still fixated on her, as though she was a magnetic field rendering him unable to tear his gaze away. She caught his glance and glared, walking over once more.

"Did I not tell you to stop staring at me?"

_You did. But I can't. _"I will do what I want, when I want to. You may have control over Hayate but there is no way you will gain control over me,"

Another slap. They were stirring him more mentally then physically. _She would slap me just for looking at her. She truly does see herself as superior enough to do that._

He caught her hand swiftly before she could slap him for a third time.

_Now you think you're so damn fine_

_You can rule the world, no not mine,_

_I don't think so…_

He caught Hayate staring over at him. Since her induction back into the clan, he and Hayate hadn't spoken much. _I have probably lost that friendship, too. _

Lowering his eyes, he moved as far away from the both of them as possible. A few of the others stirred, questioning his unusual behavior, but he managed to break eye contact with all of them, staring unblinkingly at the wall. 

_What was the point of coming here? It wasn't as though I got along with any of them. Neither did she, but the way she's acting now… almost as if it's just to spite me. She's talking more then she ever used to. Even with those she never used to get along with._

_I don't like any of these people. Mere acquaintances. Even Hayate, when you come to think of it. What sort of a friendship was it? _

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. _Probably something like her love. They are related, after all._

His eyes drifted back to her. Even the way she was standing flaunted the way she felt. Confidence hung around her like a scent. _Superiority. Because she was let back into the clan, she thinks that she is more superior. Perhaps she is. _

He felt a twisted smile on his lips. "No," he said aloud, mostly to himself. "No, she isn't,"

_Now the scene that you're in,_

_And the people that you been with_

_Just get to me,_

_But you think I'm not as cool,_

_As you are so beautiful_

_Well, who you fooling…_

The smile quickly faded. _All she really wanted was power. But power is nothing in the scheme of things. Life is just one big game, with us all being the pieces. Someone is the player, of course, but it isn't her. It is fate and destiny. And I suppose it was fate and destiny that forced us apart. And now, she's been elevated above us._

_It's all just for show. Nothing good ever lasts. She taught me that._

"You might think you're important," he had shut his eyes, leaning against the wall. "But nobody is. We all are born, we all live for a while, and we all die. Everyone in the same way as each other. You just can't see that you haven't gained anything. You've gained nothing,"

_Well, I'm here to tell you, babe_

_The game you're in is just a game_

_So damn pretentious…_

"Who are you talking to now?" she snapped angrily. He opened his eyes to stare at her, before a bitter chuckle escaped his lips.

"Anybody who will listen. You haven't gained a thing except your own satisfaction. You're not as good as you think you are,"

Her eyes narrowed into slits. Those eyes that had once looked at him with such uncharacteristic, tender affection. "Well, I'm far better then you could ever be,"

"No, you're not," he stared at her intently. "You are just the same as the rest of us, whether you choose to believe it or not. I truly did love you. But your priorities are different to mine. As long as you have power, then you are happy. I congratulate you on that,"

"Who do you think you are to speak to me like that?" she hissed.

_Her equal? Perhaps not. _

_You think you're so beautiful,_

_So beautiful…_

*__


End file.
